Soundtracks Without Movies - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

08.13.05

Ali G Axed?

That's the rumor. The show is done. It's a shame. I can only find solace in the fact that they're releasing a Borat movie.

First Carnivale, now this.

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08.12.05

Me & My Fake Moustache

Here's the "condensed" synopsis:

This website's premiere soundtrack belongs to a ficticious film titled "Me & My Fake Moustache." It would be what is widely referred to in the industry as a "buddy picture." Our protagonists are down-on-his-luck everyman Johnny Buber and his debonaire yet furry friend Raoul.

Our film fades into a shot of teenaged Johnny singing with his radio as he brushes his teeth in the shower. He's doing his best to keep up with Mungo Jerry's "In The Summertime." Somehow, over the radio he hears the phone ring. A flurry of physical comedy later, his telephone conversation ends and he returns to the shower to finish his morning dental hygiene duties. The radio he sings along with is now blasting out The Staple Singers' "Why? (Am I Treated So Bad)."

Cut to: Johnny, disheveled and still moist from his shower, as he speeds through his suburban neighborhood mid-morning on his Huffy BMX bicycle. We hear "Oh, Mandy" by The Spinto Band. We see what must be memories of our hero and his love interest. All the standard love flashbacks are present. An example: He gives her a lick of his ice cream cone. When he leans in for a taste of hers, she shoves the cone straight into his sniffer, leaving him wih a nose full of fudge ripple. The blissful couple share a slo-mo belly laugh.

Buber is seeking the council of his most trusted and wisest friend, Raoul the fake moustache. Raoul is easily the most worldly and experienced "person" Johnny has ever met. As Buber leaps from his bike in Raoul's driveway, we hear R. Kelly's "In The Kitchen" bumping. The song continues to play as we cut to an interior shot of Raoul and a pair of false eyelashes having a three-way on top of his kitchen counter. Fear not, parents, for some carefully placed buttered rolls have obstructed enough of the shot just enough to guarantee that it is tastefully presented. The doorbell rings, and the song is cut short just as the salad was being prepared.

After Johnny has been allowed in, and the eyelashes leave in a huff, Buber explains to his hairy compadre that his longtime girlfriend Mandy's family is moving to away to Boston. We then see Mandy tearfully packing her belongings into a suitcase as we are treated to Tim Bluhm & Five Foot Tuesday performing "I Can't Stay."

Here's where we skip to the ending:

Twenty years later, Johnny Buber is asking for change and lottery tickets on a city street corner. Raoul is a security guard in an ATM kiosk located ironically in view of Buber. Mandy, who Johnny had sucessfully convinced to run away from her parents to be with him all those years ago (through a series of hysterical shenanigans involving Raoul and Buber that one could barely imagine) has turned her life around and is now in mergers and aquisitions.

the end

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You'll soon learn that these movie capsules are only a temporary distraction from some great tunes. So, here we go...

Here are songs from and inspired by "Me & My Fake Moustache":

* Right click on each song title and then click on "Save target as" *

(Clicking on artists/band names will lead you to their websites.)

Mungo Jerry - "In The Summertime"

The Staple Singers - "Why? (Am I Treated So Bad)"

The Spinto Band - "Oh, Mandy"

R. Kelly - "In The Kitchen"

Tim Bluhm & Five Foot Tuesday - "I Can't Stay" (live)

Spoon - "All The Pretty Girls Go To The City"